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cheery? ok i'm a lot more cheered up now. somehow i feel that there's something missing, but i dont feel as bad as i did during the past 3 weeks. those were nothing but pure torture. haha. ok. didnt sleep much yesterday. did work till 4+ am, couldnt take it, and slept for 2 hours. hahas and woke up at 6 plus to continue, before leaving for project meeting.. tired tired.. but worth it.. =D just found out.. mirza and shaun love to bicker, youjin cant count. (= but they're all so funny. a joy to work with. 8:29 p.m. on 2004-08-22i am so darned broke. yep. think u prolly have gone thru this before. u sit down one day in ur room, open up your wallet to check if u've enough money to go out. u realise u have only 4 bucks in ur wallet and a dollar left in ur bank account, for a month. continue sitting on your chair wondering where the hell all money went. think and think, trying REALLY hard to recall every single outing and how much you've spent every time. sounds dumb right? i just did that today. urgh.. yea oh i just found out that jaslyn ian benedict and andrew went out today, without asking me. asked me out yesterday but i was at church, so they automatically assumed i had to go to church today too but... hellllllooooooooooo i went to church yesterday today dont have la! and of course, usually i go for SOL, which ends at like ONE pm. yea. how fascinating that ONE p.m seems like the end of the day! -claps- urgh. seem so angsty now. i feel so tired. mentally tired. i'm so tired of thinking of problem solutions, and how i'm like gonna get her to stay (i very much would not like her to go) and just thinking abt projects sucks ok. it really does. i cant sleep every night, i wake up like 6-7 hours later. it's like the term break!!! why arent i sleeping more!! i'm not gonna be able to sleep any more after the next term starts! this is annoying. ok something slightly happier. i've spoken to sarah, youjin, jiaming, benji fong, and some others, and i realised the importance of just cooling down, slowing down to think what i really want, and go ahead with my plans. i know very well what i wanna do now. it's a relief, really, when i spoke to Sarah last night. it's finally i big big weight lifted off my supposedly 'fat' shoulders. kinda like have to know that i am NOT as fat as someone makes it out to be, no? -arghhhhhh.. cough up the dough!!!!!!- 8:52 p.m. on 2004-08-17ok i got complaints that i do up my blog real nicely but my entries are boring. what to do.. busy what.. ya knowww hahahaha... hmmm.. i've just received shocking news. some news which i doubt people care abt or wanna know. doesnt really matter anyways. lately been feeling more free. haha it's best to just be friends yea? better than anything. haha and i'm glad i have my divine Daddy behind me [thanks shereen!]. of course i know He's taking me and carrying me thru this time of.. ..hmmm what should i call it? trauma? no not trauma. i think it feels more like another normal phase of my life~ well it's ok if u dont understand yea. but i know that i will come out stronger, no? i just went back to see yuling and hte rest just now. i only saw papa bear, yuling and mabel(mashimaro lookalike) and jason came to pick yuling up la. yup. i had a good talk with YL. haha. i miss ginny a lot.. a lot a lot.. i miss felicia too.. i miss PL. at least the time in PL when we were all mugging for Os, and me n fel running back to the bandroom to take stress out on our instruments. so much more carefree. no guys around, no horrid work as bad as what i'm having now, just child-like innocence somehow playing away.. such was my sweet 16th year. primary sch was even better. haha. what was it? hopscotch everyday, playing with our lil purses. omg. so cute! we all had short hair, i was really fat, was in TAF club. haha. wells but it was a happy childhood i had la, tho i was in a class whereby many of the girls had gone on to better schools. many of them were rich and all as well. haha. i was rather introverted, think pple kinda didnt like me. i kinda admired their courage to be daring. maybe it was just in them huh? but took me so long to realise that i liked to perform, i'm not an introvert or quiet person. but i hope i'm not toooo noisy now. haha. i guess things have changed. hardly made many friends in pri sch. just a few good friends. slowly got to know more pple in sec sch i guess. haha. nevertheless, i miss the carefree times. really do.. miss my sec sch mates, miss everyone.. |
